Yeah I know most of you checked out this note just because of the title. Tim Allen wrote a book by the same exact title and it had nothing to do with naked men as does this note. The fact that you’re still reading shows the pervs are still hoping the story relates. 

Lately it seems like there’s just trash littering the screens. NTV decided to punish me for something with the foreign selection of ‘passion, love and revenge.’ Citizen and Classic are driving me down the path of ‘juju,million naira and you-can’t-marry-him-o’. Don’t get me started on KTN who have resorted to bribing people with pimped out rides and money to watch what they look like after Hellon raided them.

So I’m finding myself just watching adverts. They’re short, simple and I can get the theme which seems pretty obvious; buy me, use me, give your money to my owners. I can dig it. But then even these gems are getting tainted and I’m finding myself at a loss for words. What you ask? Well I’m just perplexed by some of this stuff so I’ll give you just a sample of what I mean.

Why are people still buying Mortein Doom if it can’t even kill Louie the Pest? That just seems irresponsible. And what’s the deal with Dettol making dodgy adverts? They are so sexist with that ‘If I don’t care of them?’line. Maybe the father can be given a chance to do something other than contracting germs. And if the mothers are so cool then can Dettol explain why those kids are playing soccer in an abandoned construction yard?
The sexist line continues with Harpic. Why is it that it’s only women who open the door? And why in heaven’s name are their toilets so filthy? You’d think with dirty toilets like that they wouldn’t allow cameras anywhere near their houses. Safaricom has gone out of their way to brainwash us. Is it just me who watches that Mpesa advert and feels like they pay you a stipend at the end of the month rather than the hole they burn in your pocket. Their more boring rival, Orange, drive me crazy with that ‘Caro’ advert. Why doesn’t the guy just call her on her phone? You’d think they’d have thought of that.

Trust has me totally blown away with their new condom advert. I’m sure usage is up just so people can experience the flora and fauna that shows up with the couple busy. I’m guessing that imagery is some sort of euphemism. I’m not ashamed to admit that I occassionally sing and dance along to the Always ‘I check’ song. I’d love to see that happen for real though. Some random class just exploding in spontaneous song and dance. I’d love to ‘check, check’ that.

The old dogs are getting better though. I wonder what Omo will add to their product. Enzymes and atoms and maybe proteins to make the clothes clean, your hands soft and maybe even iron the washed clad. I would love to go on but I feel the need to go buy something. We’ll see just what I’ll get. Maybe a naked man somewhere…..

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