Plans for the weekend? Cancel them. The world is ending on Saturday May 21st at 6pm at every time zone. So if you had planned on catching an episode of your favourite soap or going out clubbing you might have to put those plans on ice, FOREVER. The end of the world is going to be an orderly event. Like I said it will be 6 pm for every time zone around the world hence the ones who see the end across the orient will be able to tweet what they see so we can know what to expect beforehand.Harold Camping, a radio evangelist from the United States (the Mecca of all world ending prophecies) has it all figured out. According to him and others who need to see a mental care specialist, it will have been 7000 years since the great flood (that’s in the Bible for the people who are scratching their heads. Bible is the big book thingy supporting the short leg of your table.)

So judgement day comes this weekend. That would have sucked had it been on a weekday like with all the traffic and having to wake up early and work and school…….yeah who wants to be judged in rush hour traffic? As if your day couldn’t have gotten worse, right? I’ll hasten to remind you that Camping once predicted that the world would end in 1994. That would explain why we are all not in existence right now. It’s been non-stop judgement since then. But he blamed bad math on that little blunder so he says he’s got his calculator working right this time.We are so quick to assume he’s a nut. I feel kinda bad for him just in case he’s right. he won’t get the chance to gloat because……well, we’ll all be busy getting judged and whatnot. But if he is wrong he’d better have a planet to escape to.

But let’s consider the possibility of him being right. History has so many instances of people who said profound things and lesser minds assumed they’d just gotten a bump on the head. The list is practically endless with guys like Jesus Christ, Leonardo Da Vinci and………other guys. (Don’t judge me please, it’s an early morning). But so far with people who predicted the world was going to end, the odds are firmly against you. I mean, it’s never happened, right? But then again, I’ve never died and so it only takes that one time for the odds to be against me. (Advanced mathematics here)

So just in case Harold is right and the world is ending this weekend then there are things I need to get off my chest. I don’t wanna go to heaven or hell (fingers crossed. Please, please, please pick me.) while mad at people or with stuff unsaid. So here goes;

1) I hardly listen to you guys. Yeah i just nod and smile while you talk and pretend to listen. Mostly because some of you are really boring. Kwanza wewe Nana. What’s your problem? What’s with all these feelings and whatnot? Fork Jembe.

2) Charity. I totally have a crush on you. Yes. Momanyi won’t let me be with you because I promised I would stay away. But before the weekend ends I will steal you. Nana I still love you. Tihihi. Psyche.

3) Ivy you are short.Yeah that’s all.

4) Maryanne we are starting a band before the weekend. And all we are going to do is sing Glee songs. Yes I watch Glee, Kabisaaaaa……

5) Half the time I wanna kill half of you. Kwanza some of those updates. Ati ‘Mombasa here I come’……kila saa. Kwani you can’t be more creative?

6) Fred Wambugu wewe ni ng’ombe. I don’t like you at all. Damn. I’d go on but i have to go quit my job. In case the world doesn’t end then I meant none of this. At all. If it does end then ask me about it on Saturday at 7pm.